Masking & Social Exhaustion: How to Stop Performing and Start Feeling Safe
Author: Dr. Timothy Rubin, PhD in Psychology
Originally Published: January 2026
Last Updated: January 2026
Masking can help you “get through” social situations—but it can also leave you feeling surprisingly depleted afterward.
Contents
- What Is Masking (and Social Camouflaging)?
- Why We Mask: A Learned Safety Strategy
- Why Masking Is So Exhausting
- What Research Says About Camouflaging and Mental Health
- Signs You Might Be Stuck in Masking Social Exhaustion
- CBT + ACT Strategies to Unmask Safely
- A Simple “After-Socializing” Recovery Plan
- Digital Tools That Can Help (Neutral, Optional)
- When to Get Extra Support
- FAQ: Masking & Social Exhaustion
Do you ever wonder “why am I exhausted after socializing?” Even if the event went well, you might come home feeling wiped out—like you were “on” the entire time.
One common reason is masking: adjusting, hiding, or editing yourself to fit what you think others expect. It can look like forced friendliness, constant people-pleasing, rehearsed small talk, hiding anxiety, or copying other people’s social style.
Masking is especially discussed in neurodivergent communities (like autism and ADHD), where it’s often called social camouflaging. But many neurotypical people mask too—especially in high-stakes settings like work, dating, or family gatherings.
What Is Masking (and Social Camouflaging)?
In autism research, social camouflaging refers to strategies used to hide autistic traits and appear more “neurotypical.” A widely cited paper describes it as efforts to manage social impressions—essentially, “putting on my best normal.” Hull et al. (2017)
A systematic review summarizes camouflaging as a mix of strategies such as masking (hiding traits), compensation (using techniques to “cover” difficulties), and adaptation (shaping behavior to fit the setting). Systematic review
For neurotypical readers, the label may be different—but the experience can feel familiar:
- People-pleasing fatigue: agreeing when you disagree, over-apologizing, or avoiding conflict at all costs
- Over-performance: trying to be funny, charming, “on,” or impressive all the time
- Emotional suppression: hiding sadness, irritation, awkwardness, or anxiety to appear calm and likable
- Constant self-monitoring: tracking your face, posture, tone, and timing like you’re grading yourself
Some context-based “filtering” is normal. Masking becomes a problem when it’s frequent, effortful, and leaves you feeling disconnected from yourself.
Why We Mask: A Learned Safety Strategy
Most people don’t mask because they love performing. They mask because, at some point, it helped them feel safer—socially, professionally, or emotionally.
In autistic samples, camouflaging is often discussed as a response to stigma and social consequences. One study using social identity theory links higher camouflaging with autism-related stigma. Perry et al.
A qualitative meta-synthesis describes camouflaging as an attempt to cope in stressful social contexts, sometimes with unintended mental health costs. Field et al. (2024)
And importantly: research suggests “camouflaging” isn’t only relevant to autism. A study in the general population links camouflaging and impression management with internalized stigma and mental health outcomes. Ai et al. (2024)
Framed this way, masking is often a protective adaptation. It’s your nervous system trying to prevent rejection, conflict, or shame. That’s not a character flaw—it’s a strategy.
Why Masking Is So Exhausting
Masking burns energy because you’re doing extra work in real time—monitoring yourself, predicting reactions, and correcting course. Even if nothing “bad” happens, your brain may treat the situation like a performance evaluation.
Cognitive load and constant self-monitoring
When you’re masking, you’re often running a mental checklist: “Am I smiling enough? Did I talk too much? Was that awkward?” That continuous self-monitoring is cognitively expensive.
Social settings can also contain “social-evaluative threat”—the feeling of being judged. A large meta-analysis found that tasks involving social evaluation reliably elicit cortisol responses compared to many other stressors. Dickerson & Kemeny (2004)
Emotional labor and “surface acting”
Masking overlaps with what organizational psychology calls emotional labor, especially “surface acting” (displaying emotions you don’t feel). A meta-analysis of 95 studies found surface acting is consistently associated with worse well-being outcomes, including emotional exhaustion. Hülsheger & Schewe (2011)
If you’re frequently “performing calm” or “performing friendliness,” it makes sense that you’d feel depleted afterward.
The authenticity gap
When your outer self is consistently different from your inner self, you can start to feel disconnected: “If they like me, they like the mask.”
Across 75 studies, authenticity has a robust positive relationship with well-being (average r ≈ .40). Sutton (2020)
This doesn’t mean you must share everything with everyone. It means chronic self-erasure has a cost.
Many people feel a sharp contrast between their “social self” and the relief of finally decompressing afterward.
What Research Says About Camouflaging and Mental Health
Most direct research on “camouflaging” comes from autistic samples. But the findings are still useful for understanding masking patterns more broadly—especially when paired with emotional labor and social anxiety research.
A systematic review and meta-analysis found that camouflaging is associated with higher anxiety, depression, and social anxiety, and with lower mental well-being in autistic people. Khudiakova et al. (2024)
One large study in Molecular Autism also found associations between camouflaging and anxiety/depression symptoms, and explored how these links may vary across people. Hull et al. (2021)
Researchers are also studying the overlap between camouflaging and burnout-like exhaustion. One paper reports that burnout-exhaustion may partially mediate the link between camouflaging and depression in autistic adults. Benatov et al.
A key nuance: much of this evidence is correlational. That means we can’t definitively say masking causes anxiety or depression. Some newer longitudinal work is beginning to test directionality more directly. Longitudinal study
Still, if you recognize yourself in “camouflaging burnout,” it’s worth taking seriously. Consistently fighting your instincts to appear acceptable can become a long-term stressor.
Signs You Might Be Stuck in Masking Social Exhaustion
You don’t need a diagnosis for masking to be relevant. A few common signs include:
- You replay conversations for hours afterward
- Social events feel like “work,” even when you like the people
- You feel relief when plans cancel—then feel guilty about the relief
- You notice “persona shifts” (different versions of you for different groups)
- You struggle to identify what you actually want in the moment
- You feel lonely even when you’re socially active
If this resonates, the goal isn’t to become blunt or overshare. It’s to reduce unnecessary over-performance and build safety without constant self-erasure.
CBT + ACT Strategies to Unmask Safely
These approaches aren’t about forcing confidence. They’re about changing patterns that keep you stuck in “performance mode,” and building the skills to feel safer as your authentic self.
1) Values-based limits (ACT): decide what’s worth your energy
ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) focuses on psychological flexibility—staying present with difficult feelings while acting in ways that align with your values. A major meta-analysis supports ACT across a range of mental health concerns. ACT meta-analysis
Try this before you say yes: “If I weren’t trying to avoid guilt or rejection, what would I choose here?”
Then practice a value-aligned limit:
- “I can come for an hour, but I can’t stay late.”
- “I’d love to join, but I need a quiet weekend.”
- “I’m not up for a group hang—can we do 1:1 instead?”
Related reading: ACT for Anxiety
2) Graded authenticity: “unmasking” in small experiments
Unmasking safely is usually gradual. Choose a low-risk situation and reveal 5% more truth than usual—one preference, one honest emotion, one boundary.
Examples:
- Say “I’m more of a quiet night person” instead of forcing enthusiasm.
- Ask for clarification instead of pretending you understood.
- Let yourself pause before answering rather than rushing to fill silence.
Each small experiment builds evidence that authenticity is survivable—and often more connecting than you expect.
3) CBT thought-checks: test your catastrophe predictions
Masking is often powered by thoughts like “If I’m awkward, they’ll reject me” or “If I say no, they’ll be mad.” CBT helps you identify these predictions and test them gently.
CBT has a large evidence base across many conditions, including anxiety disorders. CBT review
A simple CBT experiment:
- Write your feared outcome (“They’ll think I’m rude”).
- Do a small authentic action (decline politely, share a preference).
- Record what actually happened.
If overthinking is a big part of your masking pattern, this pairs well with cognitive restructuring and our roundup of evidence-based CBT techniques.
4) Drop one “safety behavior” that makes you feel less real
In social anxiety research, “safety behaviors” are subtle habits meant to prevent rejection—over-rehearsing, hiding symptoms, avoiding pauses, forcing expressions. They can backfire by making interactions feel less natural.
A study found that people with social anxiety disorder were perceived as less likeable and authentic during interactions, and safety behaviors were part of the pattern researchers examined. Dabas et al. (2023)
Pick one safety behavior to soften this week:
- Stop forcing a smile.
- Allow a pause.
- Ask a clarifying question instead of pretending you understood.
- Let your hands fidget naturally.
5) Self-compassion: build internal safety
If masking is partly about avoiding shame, self-compassion helps you step out of the shame loop. A meta-analysis found a strong negative association between self-compassion and psychopathology. Meta-analysis
Self-compassion interventions also show reductions in anxiety and stress across randomized studies. RCT meta-analysis
Try a 20-second reset after social strain:
- Name it: “This is hard.”
- Normalize it: “A lot of people struggle with this.”
- Support: “May I be kind to myself right now.”
If you want a meditation-based entry point, you might like loving-kindness meditation.
A Simple “After-Socializing” Recovery Plan
If you’re dealing with masking social exhaustion, recovery isn’t indulgent—it’s maintenance. Your goal is to help your nervous system exit “performance mode.”
Here’s a simple routine you can try:
- 2 minutes: quiet + low stimulation (dim lights, fewer inputs)
- 2 minutes: grounding or breathwork to settle your body
- 1 minute: a self-compassion line (“It makes sense I’m tired.”)
If you want a structured grounding option, see: grounding techniques for emotional overwhelm.
Small decompression rituals can reduce the “post-social crash” and help you recharge more quickly.
Digital Tools That Can Help (Neutral, Optional)
If social camouflaging anxiety is a major theme, supportive tools can help you practice skills between real-life situations—especially if you prefer structured prompts.
For example, internet-based CBT (iCBT) programs have meta-analytic evidence for reducing social anxiety symptoms. iCBT meta-analysis
Apps and digital tools can also help with journaling, exposure planning, mindfulness practice, and boundary scripts. The key is to choose tools that use evidence-based methods and respect privacy.
When to Get Extra Support
If masking and exhaustion are impacting your work, relationships, or sense of self, support can help. The NIMH estimates that social anxiety disorder affects a significant portion of U.S. adults in a given year. NIMH statistics
CBT and ACT are both evidence-based approaches that can help you reduce fear of evaluation, practice authenticity without overwhelm, and set boundaries that stick.
If burnout is also part of your picture, you may find this helpful: meditation for burnout recovery.
-Tim, Founder of Wellness AI
About the Author
Dr. Timothy Rubin holds a PhD in Psychology with expertise in cognitive science and AI applications in mental health. His research has been published in peer-reviewed psychology and artificial intelligence journals. Dr. Rubin founded Wellness AI to make evidence-based mental health support more accessible through technology.
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FAQ: Masking & Social Exhaustion
Why am I exhausted after socializing, even with people I like?
If you’re masking—monitoring yourself, suppressing feelings, or trying to “perform”—your brain is working harder during the interaction. That extra cognitive and emotional effort can leave you depleted afterward.
Is masking the same as being polite?
Politeness is usually flexible and situational. Masking is a more effortful pattern of hiding core feelings, needs, or traits to avoid judgment—and it tends to come with a bigger recovery cost.
Is social camouflaging only an autism thing?
Most research on “camouflaging” focuses on autistic people, but the broader idea overlaps with emotional labor, impression management, and social anxiety. Many neurotypical people also mask in certain high-stakes settings.
How can I unmask safely at work or in stressful environments?
Use graded authenticity: start with small, low-risk changes like stating a preference, setting a time boundary, or dropping one “safety behavior.” If an environment truly isn’t safe, selective masking can be a reasonable short-term strategy.
Can masking contribute to anxiety, depression, or burnout?
In autistic samples, higher camouflaging is consistently associated with higher anxiety and depression and lower well-being in meta-analyses. The evidence is mostly correlational, but it suggests sustained masking can carry psychological costs.
What’s a quick way to recover after socializing?
Try a short decompression routine: quiet time, a grounding exercise, and one act of self-compassion. The goal is to help your nervous system exit “performance mode” so you can recharge.
